infinite love

Tonight I wish I was walking home to what used to be our home. You'd be waiting for me in a lit up and warm flat. I wish I was taking the lift to the twelfth floor, opening the heavy door to your careful smile. I wish I was crawling down into bed, knowing you'd be sleeping next to me. Tonight I wish I was taking the bus from the bridge with the same name as the city. The 21. Straight home to you.

Cos' today I've seen the most beautiful of children, covered in plastic tubes and wires, waving his arms as to prove he's alive. 'I'm alive! Can you see me? I've lived through all those god damn surgeries even though I weigh less than a feather'. A little boy, who's got my mouth and fluffly dark hair. A little boy fighting for a life that has barely begun. I see him and love is rushing through me. This boy, who I've only met for a few minutes and might not ever see again. 

In the car she whispers 'will you come down for the funeral?' I say yes, because I've made the wrong decisions too many times. Too many times I wasn't present when I should have been. At least now, I know what is important. And nothing could be more important than that boy.