i'd better shape up, cos' the psychiatric a&e is full. anxiety appears to be an epidemic.

Once again I end up in the mined fields of anxiety. It tears in my chest and makes me feel like there is no way out. Certain words are said and my hope turns into a shooting star, falling from the sky. 

You go back to where you came from and I cry for four hours. 

I go to the westcoast to see one of my best ones. More tears, but good times as well. I travel south to my parent's cabin. It's a different world out there. The trees, the sea and the silence have a healing effect on me. There are moments when I feel free from all of that that hangs heavy on my shoulders. Now I'm back home and the fog re-appears. I'm trying not to fall into the abyss by making summery plans. Picnics, gigs and allotment time. 

Thanks for Vampire Weekend whose music made me want to dance despite incredible sadness. 
Thanks for my flat for making me feel like I'm coming home. 
Thanks for the magical evening light for hitting me like an arrow in the chest. You woke me up and reminding me that there are things that go beyond what we can apprehend.  
Thanks to all of you who made me laugh. Thanks for picking up the phone when I wanted to slit my wrists and for not hanging up until my breathing was normal again. 
Thanks for all the love. 
Thanks.